Sometimes how i wish that i can live in a happy family environment rather then everyday with lots of haters quarreling and many other stuff , staying in this house seriously no sense of secure , everyday with just fearless. when times get nearer i am afraid of something which i dun even know how to describe it.. Everytime when i am outside seeing those people with happy family and their parents brings their kids out to shopping or having quality time how i wish i can have one too , is it just hard for me to ask for happiness in this family? when i am out with my friends i just put a smile in me and everyone thinks that i have no sadness and stuff but once i reach home the trails just come , i just cant take it anymore one day perhelps i might do some silly things which you and i wont know.. how long can i tolerate this? all the while when they are quarreling and stuff all i can do is to smoke smoke smoke and smoke just to release of stress that i have.. since when my mom have passed away when i was age of 14 this trails in my family have come and now even worst , how i wish my mom is with me now and she is still alive so that i dun have to worry for more.. ):